You excitedly log into your social media account to post a photo of your sparkly new ring, and almost immediately, everyone starts offering their advice. As the wedding draws nearer, you find that you are receiving even more advice. Advice that you not only didn’t ask for, but is also starting to stress you out!
“You have to wear white. It’s your wedding”
“Your venue is inconvenient for us. Can’t you choose somewhere else?”
“You’re having a First Look? Don’t you care about tradition?”
“You should wait to get married, you haven’t been engaged long enough”
“I don’t like your fiancé. You shouldn’t get married”
As crazy as it may sound, those are actual comments made to brides planning their weddings! There are actually five things you do can do to help avoid unwanted advice and comments.
1. Limit what you share on social media.
The more you dish about your wedding day plans, the more people will feel compelled to share what you “should be” doing. If you do decide to update your planning progress online, be vague.
2. Change the subject.
Getting a little frustrated by your mom telling you what type of gown to wear or which foods to have served? Quickly change the conversation over to another subject, such as the gorgeous jewelry you’ve been eyeing up or what songs to play at the reception.
3. Don’t get into details.
When asked about your wedding day plans, be vague. If they push, explain that you are putting so much work into planning, you don’t want to ruin the surprise for all of your guests. As soon as you spin it and make it look as though you are sharing for their benefit, they’ll likely back off.
4. Don’t feel obligated to explain.
Have you been told that you haven’t been engaged long enough and should put the wedding on hold? Has someone told you that they don’t like your fiancé and you shouldn’t get married? Unless there are actual concerns (ie: your spouse-to-be has been cheating on you for years, is abusive, etc.), explain that while you appreciate the advice, you know you’ve found the person you’re meant to spend forever with. If you feel compelled, feel free to add one or two reasons why you’re fiancé is so amazing – but don’t feel obligated!
5. The guest list.
Wedding locations and guest lists are often on top of the list when it comes to unwanted advice. Just about every couple has been told that they have to invite so and so to the wedding…and before they know it, there are 40 “so-and-sos” on the list! Being forced to invite additional guests can really add a big chunk to the wedding bill. Unfortunately, weddings aren’t cheap and each guest costs $65-$180 (depending on the venue). Most couples would love to extend their guest lists, but it’s also important to maintain a logical budget. That aside, couples shouldn’t feel forced into any decisions when planning their wedding! When receiving opinions about where to celebrate and who should be on the guest list, the classic go-to response is best: We wish we were rich so we could just invite everyone we know but unfortunately we’ve got a budget to stick with.
It’s inevitable that you’ll receive a few comments about your guest list. Divorces, family feuds, and broken friendship can sometimes bring tension and cause friends or family members to make a few demands, telling you who you have to invite and who must stay over your guest list. When faced with the possibility of tension and requests to not invite someone, gently tell the other person that although you do still intend to invite the guest, you promise to keep things in mind as you carefully put together the reception seating.